Saturday, April 05, 2003
"I don't know, man. The last two anti-war rallies I went to I ended up hanging out with your boyfriend and the police threatened to arrest me."
Yesterday, as I was walking out to my car for lunch, there was this really super-hot woman walking in my direction (tall, even!). Inexplicably and unprovoked, she smiled at me and said hi.
Those fifteen seconds were the highlight of my week.
Okay, I don't know how to dress myself. This is a cry for help.
SmallDog666: The World is My Toilet!
Yesterday, as I was walking out to my car for lunch, there was this really super-hot woman walking in my direction (tall, even!). Inexplicably and unprovoked, she smiled at me and said hi.
Those fifteen seconds were the highlight of my week.
Okay, I don't know how to dress myself. This is a cry for help.
SmallDog666: The World is My Toilet!
Friday, April 04, 2003
"If it's any consolation, I'd do you. And that's the sweetest thing I've ever said to anyone."
My band's new record is called Songs in the Key of Bitches, because Songs in the Key of Pain lacked a certain panache that vulgarity brought to it.
I like to think that I can be a pretty funny guy, but I'm no Seanbaby: "And more importantly, how in the name of balls can I masturbate to either?"
...
"How in the name of balls can I masturbate to this?" is my new response to everything!
My band's new record is called Songs in the Key of Bitches, because Songs in the Key of Pain lacked a certain panache that vulgarity brought to it.
I like to think that I can be a pretty funny guy, but I'm no Seanbaby: "And more importantly, how in the name of balls can I masturbate to either?"
...
"How in the name of balls can I masturbate to this?" is my new response to everything!
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
This morning's walk with SmallDog666 was the worst walk in the history of dogwalking. It was like he had never been outside before.
Today I had to remind a coworker that I was still talking to her. She got bored and drifted off.
"Canadians! Sheesh! They're practically French!"
A: You know I would pay to see you dance one night... you know, get your groove on to the funk.
B: The only person who has ever gotten me to dance is my mom.
A: Well, one day a nice woman will compel you to dance. You'll do that typical white guy move where the only things that move on your body are your hands and your head. Then, my son you will be a man...
B: You mean... I'm... white? Oh, man! Those people are so lame!
A: White boy's burden... it's a motherfucker!
"If you were the ocean, you would pull the moon."
Today I had to remind a coworker that I was still talking to her. She got bored and drifted off.
"Canadians! Sheesh! They're practically French!"
A: You know I would pay to see you dance one night... you know, get your groove on to the funk.
B: The only person who has ever gotten me to dance is my mom.
A: Well, one day a nice woman will compel you to dance. You'll do that typical white guy move where the only things that move on your body are your hands and your head. Then, my son you will be a man...
B: You mean... I'm... white? Oh, man! Those people are so lame!
A: White boy's burden... it's a motherfucker!
"If you were the ocean, you would pull the moon."
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
A: Let me tell you a little something about the ladies.
B: Okay!
A: ... No, I've got nothing.
"Well, I certainly couldn't like you for your personality!"
Today I recommended that a coworker delete all her cookies, and it struck me as vaguely dirty.
Today, the following exchange happened between a coworker and I:
[A stares at B. B's not paying attention.]
A: I'm starring at you.
B: WHAT!?
This guy is great.
sometimes i just want to kill everyone
B: Okay!
A: ... No, I've got nothing.
"Well, I certainly couldn't like you for your personality!"
Today I recommended that a coworker delete all her cookies, and it struck me as vaguely dirty.
Today, the following exchange happened between a coworker and I:
[A stares at B. B's not paying attention.]
A: I'm starring at you.
B: WHAT!?
This guy is great.
sometimes i just want to kill everyone
Monday, March 31, 2003
huh?
Sunday, March 30, 2003
"Am I whining now? Good. Am I whining now? Good."
If Raymond Chandler wrote a book about my dog, it would be called "The Longest Walk."
Well, I suppose they're more like mosies than walks.
He's less like a pet and more like my retarded, deformed child. With horrible breath.
...
I should change the name of the blog to "BigSleep666 and SmallDog666"
If Raymond Chandler wrote a book about my dog, it would be called "The Longest Walk."
Well, I suppose they're more like mosies than walks.
He's less like a pet and more like my retarded, deformed child. With horrible breath.
...
I should change the name of the blog to "BigSleep666 and SmallDog666"
