Friday, February 14, 2003
Wouldn't it be really funny if, instead of Ishmael, the main character of Moby Dick was named "Dickface"? Because then the first sentence of Moby Dick would be "Call me Dickface."
[me yelling at an anonymous stranger carrying flowers out of Whole Foods during my lunch break]: "Well, look who's bragging he's got a girlfriend!!! Well, la dee da!!! Asshole!"
"Wow. Your boyfriend sounds awesome. I wish he was my boyfriend, because then I would dump him and pursue you, because then you and I would both be single."
[me yelling at an anonymous stranger carrying flowers out of Whole Foods during my lunch break]: "Well, look who's bragging he's got a girlfriend!!! Well, la dee da!!! Asshole!"
"Wow. Your boyfriend sounds awesome. I wish he was my boyfriend, because then I would dump him and pursue you, because then you and I would both be single."
Thursday, February 13, 2003
I've recently rediscovered the fine art of loogie hocking.
You are the cement that fills my shoes.
"Have you ever gotten any obscene phonecalls?
"Really?
"wow.
"Yeah.
"...
"That was me."
"Mr. 666, are you not now, or have you ever not been, a friend of America?"
You are the cement that fills my shoes.
"Have you ever gotten any obscene phonecalls?
"Really?
"wow.
"Yeah.
"...
"That was me."
"Mr. 666, are you not now, or have you ever not been, a friend of America?"
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
You're not so cute.
Everyday, I get thousands of e-mails from across the planet from all my nubile fans, and they all want to know "Oh, BigSleep666, your Blog is the greatest Blog in all of Blogdom! How do you do it?!" Well, here's my secret: mostly I just smash my face into the keyboard and hope that English words appear on the monitor when I lift up my head. 999,999 times out of 1,000,000 I get total jibberish, but for that one beautiful moment of making lucky sense, it's worth all the bloody noses in the world.
Everyday, I get thousands of e-mails from across the planet from all my nubile fans, and they all want to know "Oh, BigSleep666, your Blog is the greatest Blog in all of Blogdom! How do you do it?!" Well, here's my secret: mostly I just smash my face into the keyboard and hope that English words appear on the monitor when I lift up my head. 999,999 times out of 1,000,000 I get total jibberish, but for that one beautiful moment of making lucky sense, it's worth all the bloody noses in the world.
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
If my days continue on like this, soon I'll be swearing like a web programmer.
Monday, February 10, 2003
"Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld issued uncompromising challenges to both the United Nations and NATO over Iraq today, warning that the global body risked ridicule and discredit and cautioning three of America's European partners that delaying plans to defend Turkey weakened the Atlantic alliance."
- THOM SHANKER, "Rumsfeld Rebukes U.N. and NATO on Approach to Baghdad," New York Times, Saturday, February 8, 2003, http://www.nytimes.com/2003/02/09/international/middleeast/09RUMS.html?pagewanted=1&th.
Who the fuck does this guy think he is?
- THOM SHANKER, "Rumsfeld Rebukes U.N. and NATO on Approach to Baghdad," New York Times, Saturday, February 8, 2003, http://www.nytimes.com/2003/02/09/international/middleeast/09RUMS.html?pagewanted=1&th.
Who the fuck does this guy think he is?
Sunday, February 09, 2003
GOD BLESS 1996!
